Meat and Potatoes (but no cheese please)

I know you. You are the person who loves yogurt. You're also the person who has given up dairy (and possibly soy) for one reason or another. You've been hurt, disappointed - store-bought vegan yogurt is a thin, gross gel, cloyingly sweet and faintly nauseating to smell.  It's not what you're craving anyway. You long for the sharp tang and dense custard-like firmness of strained Greek yogurt. And because I know you, I know that when I say "why don't you make it yourself?" you'll guffaw. Your almond milk will spray out of your nose as you attempt to stifle a derisive laugh. Because you think you can't make yogurt - certainly not VEGAN yogurt. Not the real stuff. You don't even have any special equipment, and besides, fermenting is scary and weird and too complicated especially with plant-based milks. It can simply never be. But I know you, and I know that you'll keep reading with that little spark of hope, and you